The rehearsal dinner: Know the basics
Don’t let the name fool you. You don’t have
to spend the entire night perfecting your walk down the aisle - just part
of it. You’ll spend the rest eating and drinking merrily, compliments
of the groom and his family (at least most of the time).
What is it?
The rehearsal dinner is a practice party traditionally
hosted by the groom’s parents on the eve of the wedding. A formal
rehearsal of the ceremony is not mandatory, but most officiants will want
to take a run through the service with the bride, groom, their parents, the
wedding party, and any readers, giving everyone their cues for the next
day.
If you have a slew of attendants this is a good time
to get them familiar with the layout of the ceremony location and make sure
they know the order they’re walking in - as well as an opportunity to
go over what time to be there on the wedding day, and any other last-minute
details.
After the rehearsal - usually held at the
church/ceremony site - everyone gathers for a celebratory dinner, where the
bride and groom are roasted and toasted.
The dinner is a good opportunity for your two families
to get better acquainted before the wedding day. You may also present the
wedding party with thank-you gifts during the course of the evening.
Who hosts the dinner?
Traditionally, the groom’s family throws this
fete, but these days it’s up for grabs. You two might take matters
into your own hands, or both sets of parents may choose to do the honors
together.
Where is the dinner?
The event can be as casual or as fancy as you like.
Many are held in hotel banquet rooms, or restaurants, with full-course
dinners and desserts. Others are held at home, with Italian or Chinese food
ordered in.
Where you decide to have yours depends on the budget
of whoever is throwing it, how many guests there will be - and often simply
what kind of party the host or hostess envisions.
While the couple does have some say about this, if the
groom’s family hosts, you should really try to let his mom be the
hostess for this evening. Concentrate your own planning efforts on the
wedding.
Who’s invited?
At the very least, the guest list includes immediate
family (parents and siblings), wedding-party members and any spouses and
significant others, and the parents of any child attendants (inviting the
children themselves is optional).
You should also invite the officiant and his/her
spouse to the dinner.
If many out-of-town guests are invited to the wedding,
they may also be invited to the rehearsal dinner, especially if there are
many who will have already arrived in town for the wedding.
If you’d rather have the rehearsal be an
intimate affair but don’t want to leave other guests hanging, think
about doing the rehearsal two nights before the wedding day - on Thursday
night for a Saturday wedding - and then having a welcome party for
out-of-towners on Friday night instead.
What happens?
A few elements are generally incorporated into the
festivities:
• Toasting:
This is a great opportunity to thank your loved ones -
there probably won’t be time to publicly toast everyone at the
wedding reception itself. As host of the party, the groom’s father
often goes to bat first, toasting his soon-to-be daughter-in-law and her
family; the groom also says a few words.
• Giving gifts: You
may choose to give your attendants their thank-you gifts at this shindig.
Make sure to also present your parents and anyone else who was an integral
part of the wedding-planning process with a token of your appreciation
—flowers, a nice bottle of wine, or even a huge hug will do.
Party ideas
Some additional ideas for the get-together:
• A poolside barbecue
in the groom’s parents’ backyard (or another
friend/relative’s home)
• A lunch buffet at a
country club
• A cocktail party
after a late-afternoon rehearsal
• A home-cooked meal
at the groom’s family’s home
• A table for twelve
at a local four-star restaurant
• A picnic at the
local forest preserve
The best thing about the rehearsal party is how
relaxed it can be. While the stress and excitement of the big day may loom
before you, you can appreciate the low-key fun of the rehearsal party.
